Saturday, July 21, 2012

Can I ask you a question?

Over the last few weeks I have been asking ALOT of questions. For example, Why if the kitchen sink gets a terminal clog, will the back bathroom toilet blow a pump, while the front bathroom sink blows a water line? I didn't realize plumbing was similar to wild dogs and babies....if one goes wild the whole pack goes crazy...
Why does our cat HOWL at 3am? And when I say howl I mean he acts as if he has his tail is permanently lodged under a self-rocking rocking chair! Is 3am the kitty witching hour? If so, how do I de-witch this hour without tossing the cat out the backdoor like a stinky bag of trash. If we don't get this cat fixed soon I may toss him out the back door and firmly hang on to the two round objects that seem to be causing the issue....
AND WHY, OH WHY, does it go for weeks without a drop of rain and then rain for days on end? My children need at least a few hours at the pool or outside to prevent my hair from spontaneously falling out! Their cabin fever doesn't wear well on me.... 
And last but definitely not least,
"God...Why is this happening?"
Although I am constantly asking many questions about why things happen the way they do, I think this last question is probably impossible to answer and maybe even a controversial to ask.
Are we supposed to question God?
Can we scream at him?
When we are faced with Everest sized moments can we stomp our feet, scream at the top of hearts, if not our lungs, "WHY!?!?! THIS ISN'T FAIR AND I DON'T WANT IT!!!
Right or wrong my heart and lungs have been screaming lately. These last few weeks I have seen and felt pain and frustration that is beyond description. And through everything I have heard many people say, "Don't question God's plan. Have faith that this will lead to his glory... although we can't see how, these nightmares WILL work to his glory."
I do not pretend to have faith that will move mountains. I don't. I try but in the face of great struggles I feel as if I barely have the faith to move a mustard seed. That being said, I don't think God expects us to go through the deepest valleys without petition. So, I question him, in anger, in frustration, in complete lack of understanding of how any of the current situations can lead to good, much less Glory.
And I feel a like God is saying, "It's okay! Question Me, cry out for understanding!"

I see it like this, on occasion SJ and I get sideways with each other...Let's say he doesn't fold my undies the way I like them folded. We have been together for 10 years, so this shouldn't be an issue, but lets say it is... When I open my drawer and see the problem I can handle it one of two ways. I can slam the drawer, I am a slammer when I am mad, then I can proceed to slam everything I touch for the next two days while saying, "Nothing is wrong Dear... I am Fine!" OR I can talk to him. Depending on the situation talking could involve just talking or screaming, crying and stomping feet. The important part is the communication. If we communicate we will learn from each other and get closer. If we don't communicate and continually internalize the small things, the small things will become big things and the big things will become insurmountable.
I believe God is okay with questions, pleading, even anger and frustration. He wants us to scream, 'Why! Why, did this happen? I don't want this and I don't want to prove I can handle this!'  When we cry out to God, in anger, in frustration and in sadness, when we yell, cry or plead we start the conversation, we start the healing and begin to move past the initial emotions. When the emotions are exposed they can begin to heal then we can begin learn from God. We will grow closer to him, learn to lean on him solely and start to experience the peace that surpasses understanding. Without the conversation, the grief overwhelms, the pain devours and the anger destroys.
So, Can You Ask A Question....YES YOU CAN!!

11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. 12 Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. 13 You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. 14 I will be found by you,” declares the Lord, “and will bring you back from captivity...
Jeremiah 29:11-14