35. WOW 35 years old. I will be 35 years old in 5 days. Oh dear... I am not sure how I feel about this birthday. Let me start with I am not going to shed a tear over turning 35. I am alive, I have an amazing husband who loves me and makes me laugh everyday, two wonderful boys who are thriving, and friends who surround me with love and support. I am in a good place, I have NO DOUBT.
Having said that... 35... sigh...
Maybe 35 is hitting me a little harder than all the previous 30-something birthdays because I am currently recovering from a broken hip, an injury that is typically reserved for people twice my age. Maybe it is hanging heavy over my heart because I am feeling an overwhelming desire to do things differently. MAYBE it is just the normal mid-decade, HOLY CRAP, I am now in my mid/upper 30's reaction.
I am guessing it is a little bit of all of the above.
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| My first 5k, 2011. |
Let's start with the hip, my stupid, stupid hip. For the last two years I have slowly and methodically became a runner. In this process I have also became very passionate about fighting through the 'I can't's', 'It hurts', & 'you aren't fast enough's' to improve myself. Running has been a love/hate relationship unlike anything I have ever experienced. I love how it makes me fight against myself, to prove to myself, I am stronger than I could ever imagine. I hate how weak I feel in the process. I hate how I became so obsessed with going longer and faster, I stopped listening to my body. May 4th was my last 10k, actually it was my last run period. The week leading up to the race I knew something wasn't right...after the race I knew something was wrong. Three weeks and a lot of pain later I am sitting in front of the Orthopedic. Doctor listening to him explain that I am a mature athlete, I am not Kenyan and I should have listened to my body. Jump, or hobble in my case, three weeks and many medical tests forward it is determined that I have a compression fracture of my femoral neck. I ran myself straight into a broken hip. The words mature athlete ringing in my 34 3/4 year old ears, I am told my running, my passion, is done for the foreseeable future... This did draw many, many tears and much frustration. I am NOT
THAT OLD WHY DID THIS HAPPEN TO ME!!!! Which brings me to my next point, my desire to do things differently.
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| My last 10k/Race.. |
Why did this happen to me? Well, because I can be stubborn and stupid. I knew something wasn't right, I knew I was pushing too hard and I didn't stop. I made the conscience decision to continue on a path that lead me to this, it didn't happen to me, I caused it.
So, doing things differently, what do I mean by that?
I want to use my past experiences to do things better in the future. I have learned SOOO much in my 34.99 years, why don't I use this knowledge to make my life easier? My body tells me when to stop, my heart tells me when to go and mind is constantly aware of decisions that will make my life easier. My goal with 35 is to pay attention, and act accordingly.
As for the the-mid decade, HOLY CRAP, I am now in my mid/upper 30's reaction, I guess I am just going to have to work through this reaction over the next 5 days. My heart is telling me that I am on the right path, my mind, although swirling with ideas for improvement is still learning and my body is healing.
I could not ask for more.
-EmJ
“There is a fountain of youth: it is your mind, your talents, the creativity you bring to your life and the lives of people you love. When you learn to tap this source, you will truly have defeated age.”
