Friday, March 23, 2012

I can't get no....satisfaction...

A note that I jotted down in the midst of a minor meltdown:

'I am out of sorts. I have turned my world on its ear. Although I am certain it was my idea, being here, upside down in a world that was right side up just weeks ago is strange and uncomfortable. I know change is the only constant and I am generally okay with small amounts of change. However, the problem with this change is I don't know where I am going or exactly what I am doing. And the fact that everything is so exciting and nauseatingly unfamiliar at the same time makes me want to sit in the floor and cry.'

At the ripe old age of 33 I have come to the conclusion that I don't like change. I have also found that change is ALWAYS present and NEVER comfortable. I have heard a quote several times and I am not exactly sure who said it first but here it is:
'People will resist change until the pain of not changing exceeds the pain of change.'
AMEN, if I can avoid it for just a little while longer that is what I will choose! The interesting part of this is, every time a 'change' has occurred in my life, big or small, welcome or unwelcome, I feel like a better and stronger woman on the other side.
So I could ask, "Why is change so hard?" but really that is a stupid question. (I know you have been told there are no stupid questions but that isn't true. There are a few stupid think before you ask...)
Change sucks because it requires new thought, new actions and revision to the daily routine that is so comfortable and easy. So the question is not, 'why is it so hard?' but rather, "How do we recognize the difference between satisfaction and complacency?" When do we agree to make a change because it is the right decision, NOT the EASY one, NOT the COMFORTABLE one, but the right one to move us forward. And going one step further how do we recognize that we need to seek out change because we have allowed complacency to dominate our life?

For as much change as I have experienced in my adult life one would think I would be at least ok with new really.... I am pretty sure the drastic amount of upheaval experienced thus far has made me cling desperately to moments of consistency. Thank goodness for my wonderful husband! I am married to a man that is 'never' satisfied and is always in motion. In this area he is my 'nudger', always supportive but always 'suggesting' new ideas, remodels, reconstructions etc, etc. (His willingness to randomly teardown walls is why I have a walk-in closet and a remodeled kitchen that I love)  Complacency is not his nemesis, it is mine. Although I have accused him on more than one occasion of 'never being satisfied' (to which he responds with his biggest grin, 'I am an idea man') the truth is we balance each other out. We are constantly pushing and pulling one another to stay put and keep moving and this helps A LOT!
The trickier idea is figuring out this balance internally. How do you motivate yourself to step out on the 'proverbial' ledge on occasion, while reigning in your desires and becoming 'satisfied'.
For Example, my career. I am happy...very happy..with my current position, it challenges me to continually improve but it also allows me to be me. I don't do very well with schedules, former bosses will concur. Despite the happiness with my career the question that has plagued me recently is, "I'm happy, but am I allowing myself to be complacent?' I am at the point in my career that the good part of my reputation precedes me and therefore I get requests for interviews and resumes. But I am happy, so I say, 'No, but thank you for asking!' These positions can be bigger and better or smaller and incredibly intriguing but the response has always been, 'No, but thank you for asking'. Even when the opportunity to promote within my company locally presented itself....Nope, I am good.
HMMMM.....Am I satisfied or complacent? who knows....(wink, wink) But I do believe it is very important to recognize the difference between being happy and being unwilling to face change.

Change is good even if it is exhausting. The more we try to avoid it the bigger it becomes, like a boogey man in the closet it only grows with time. Facing change with open arms and excitement is a bit of a stretch but ignoring it only makes it more difficult.

There is a time for everything, 
and a season for every activity under the heavens:
a time to be born and a time to die, 
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
 a time to kill and a time to heal,
   a time to tear down and a time to build,
a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
 a time to keep and a time to throw away, 
a time to tear and a time to mend, 
a time to be silent and a time to speak, 
a time to love and a time to hate,
 a time for war and a time for peace.

There is a time for change don't ignore it, face it and know that no matter how difficult it appears in the moment, one day you will look back and say, "WOW, that wasn't so bad!"