Tuesday, May 8, 2012

Does this blog make my butt look big?

Okay, I have been wearing a certain company's undergarments for several years now and I have a bone to pick, well... technically a wedgie to pick with this company!
Everyone knows this company.
They push their panties with all the angels a man can dream up, even though I am sure devils would be more comfortable in the product they are pushing! No, this is not a rant about scantily clad models flashing their over-processed bodies at me and my family. In all honesty I would rather see those bodies than the ones that are generally inflicted on me every time I head to 'Wal-My-lord-did-no-one-love-you-enough-to-stop-you-before-you-got-out-of-the-house-in-that!!!
No...the wedgie that needs picking is either their undies are getting smaller or my butt is getting bigger! I know. I know. This sounds like a personal problem. 
Some of you maybe saying, 'buy your drawers elsewhere', while others are saying, 'take the hint you are no longer part of their target demographic' AKA I am outta my 20's and over 100lbs. Oh! who I am kidding, 120lbs. And some of you may have already clicked the back button for fear of where this little rant is going. Oh well! For those of you that are still here, HERE IS THE QUESTION:
If you are wondering why they are smiling
 it is because this underwear don't creep!
WHY, if my booty has shrank 3 pants sizes, do the new pair of angelics I just got BARELY cover the hind fracture???  NO, I didn't try anything new or fancy. Sorry dear! I got the good ol' standards, well as old and standard as the pantie-pushing Angels offer, and too bad I had to work today because I should have been at the movies, as many seats as I have been picking! 
I need to 'ass'certain the correct answer to this question because if my booty shrinking is going to cause further shrinkage of the fancy panties, I will for the love of womankind and my sanity stop working out and eating right. This only seems fair because if the unders are going to fit the EXACT same no matter what size I am, then TO HECK WITH IT.  Life will be much more enjoyable with a Five Guys Burger, fries and milk shake in one hand while the other picks my seat!

I guess until an accurate answer can be ascertained and as long as they are going to keep sending me coupons for free undies I will continue to exercise, eat right and attempt to squeeze my average size derriere into those freebies!