Friday, February 17, 2012

Hello..My Name is Emily.

I know I have given some information about myself in the previous posts but I think tonight I will give you a small glimpse into the 'real' Emily.
Are ya scared? I am....
For those who know me or have lived with me nothing in this post will be new or surprising but for those of you who haven't, welllll, I hope you will at least wave when we pass at the grocery store.

I am Emily Jenkins, mother of two wonderful boys who I love so much it hurts, but they drive me BONKERS. I have zero patience with my children, my husband, my co-workers, the human race in general and perhaps most importantly myself. (If I am not going to cut myself any slack, you can bet I am not going to cut you any either.)  I really try, but when push comes to shove I am completely intolerant of anyone who doesn't jump when I snap. 
On the opposite side of the same coin, don't TELL me to do anything. You can ask me nicely or better yet make it my idea but don't present anything as a 'directive'. I will become indignant immediately and only do  the 'thing' out of spite or in a way that will make you wish you hadn't TOLD me to do it. (The funny thing, or sad thing, is I will rationalize my behavior while condemning yours.) 
I tend to take everything personal while at the same time taking nothing to heart. That makes NO sense I know so let me try to explain. If I hear you talking about someone or if an email goes out to the whole office, I will always assume it is directed at me. However, I will blow it off as, "who cares what you think" and continue on with my business. I guess you could say I always jump to conclusions but tend to land in a bowl of cotton. (This is a very good thing because as much jumping as I am doing a hard landing would kill me!)
I am very protective of those whom I love & trust, protective to a fault. It may take a while for me to warm up to you but once I trust you I will defend you with all my heart. I also get very mean when I think someone I care about is being treated unfairly. I love my family and friends but I have high expectations for them too. If I am going to defend you until my head spins off then I expect you are doing everything in your power to protect yourself. This goes back to I don't cut myself any slack and therefore you aren't getting any slack either. I think this can make me difficult to like at times. For example, my boys. As  parents I feel like Shaun and I have been through quite a bit of struggles (I do plan on elaborating on these struggles at a later date when I have several days and lots of time to write). When we were in the 'valley' of these struggles I was as defensive as a mother Grizzly, but at the same time I was demanding my child to leave no room for reproach. If you were on the opposite side of these many disputes I am sure I was less than pleasant, but it was just as unpleasant on this side as well (I can 100% guarantee you). I don't lower expectations, ever, and I will push until those expectations are met and this is where my kids, husband, parents, family and friends probably have an occasion to dislike me.
I am incredibly passionate about certain things but most people would never know it. I tend to hold my cards very close to my vest and I don't really know why. I think it is because I don't like disappointment and it is easier to hide it if nobody knows there was an expectation there. But again on the flip side of the same coin I tend not realize when things are very important to other people. It isn't because I don't care, I think it has more to do with I don't read emotion well in others. (A side note: I think this actually helps my Career as a Sales Rep because I say things that most people wouldn't. Not because I am brave but simply because I don't catch the signs they are sending me and I am truly shocked when they don't see things my way!)
Last but not least, I SCREAM, a lot (the reference to a Banshee wasn't a stretch)....I don't like it and I feel like a total heel after the dust has settled but I can't seem to control myself when my emotions are swirling. I have read book after book and listened to parenting guides that say remember, "you are the parent, you MUST control yourself..." and then the guinea pig is loose, the cat is trying to eat an escaped crawdad that is hiding under the piano and two little boys are having screaming fits about the crawdad getting eaten and the guinea pig disappearing... I would love to see the 'experts' remain calm during this situation! Being faced with the prospect of a crawdad funeral, while pondering exactly what raw crawdad would do to a cat's stomach and the mess that would come with that and where the HELL did the guinea pig go? Oh! and we won't even get into the nasty crawdad water that was spilled under the 900lb piano that can't be moved without professional help... The shrieks of, "'STOP WHINING! and HELP ME GET THE CAT OFF THE CRAWDAD! and GET THE FREAKING PIG'!" Flowed of my tongue like a water fall in a rain the adult, remain calm...Wellll, maybe next time.